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Post by AREA666 on Jan 19, 2006 18:02:35 GMT -5
Well I have some bad news for you then on your missing items. The keys are missing because when your toaster and cactus ran away they did it by stealing your car. So you might want to go outside sometime to see the blank spot where your car once was. I would be able to mail you the keys, but by the time your friends arrived here the car had been impounded. I think by now it is probably a large cube on its way to a third world country to be used as a jungle gym.
Your remote is different. I have not seen it here yet which leads me to believe it went on its own journey seperate from everything else. I do remember hearing stories from Nam though where a unknown remote saved the day by pushing large cow patties onto the unsuspecting charlies. Seeing as how this was quite a long time ago though you might want to upgrade your M.I.A to K.I.A and take a look at the Vietnam Memorial for his name.
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Post by AREA666 on Jan 20, 2006 23:55:57 GMT -5
Stupid people questions is a peculiar entity indeed. It might work along the same lines as the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So if the person who is hearing the question is another stupid person, then to them it would seem as normal, or maybe even engenius. To the rest of us though we obviously see the moronic question for what it is. So this makes me believe that you have found a glitch in the matrix. You should report this faulty code A.S.A.P.
However if it is true that dumb people somehow get smart right as they are asking a question then that would mean there is some as of yet unknown force surrounding us that only stupid people can tap into. It could be the same energy that people who have "beginners luck" use. But with all energy it will eventually become depleted. What will happen once it is gone you ask? Well the obvious conclusion would be that the Earth would soon become overrun with stupid people. There is so many more of them then there are of us, and without any way for them to co-mingle with us, they would just keep breeding since they would never be able to ask, "Should I really have a 36th kid?". So before this happens we need to exterminate all stupid people. To do this we will need large amounts of tin foil, spam mail, and lawyers. The spam mail will be issued to each stupid person giving them instructions of where to go to pick up a million dollars they have just won. Once there they will talk to the lawyers who will keep blabbering on forever about legal mumbojumbo long enough for us to positon our large tin foil sheets. What will happen is since it is reflective they will be entranced by it. They will sit there so long they will not realize we have made a sort of large solar oven that we are cooking them in. Eventually they will all be dead and we can have a huge celebration feast with our newly found friends of the midget aliens from Marchuknambulan.
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Post by AREA666 on Jan 21, 2006 23:23:42 GMT -5
So I have some problems with the current one. I do not know who, if anybody in particular, it is directed at. I assume it to be somebody other then myself since I no longer use my skull for the feeding of animals. I got tired of picking out remaining food in my classes, so I have since then upgraded the trough to melted together parts of discarded Martha Stewart DVDs. If you direct your farts in a general direction how do you know it will reach the intended targets? Lets say the the fart moves along at half a mile an hour. If your target is 100 miles away it will take 200 hours to get there. I dont think the person will be in the same position that long. Or do you have some sort of supersonic traveling farts? You seem to know the geneology of people very well. If this mother was a hampster then what was the father? If he smells of the elderberry then I would assume him to be a farmer, but it would be hard for a man and hampster to conceive. I guess the smell could also be attained if the father was a rat or other small rodent who ate enough of them from a farm to have the smell.
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Alucard
Beta Wolf
Your Lord and Master of all that doesn't make sense.[M0n:20]
[M0:67]%\3\%
Posts: 331
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Post by Alucard on Jan 23, 2006 2:35:28 GMT -5
Your remote is different. I have not seen it here yet which leads me to believe it went on its own journey separate from everything else. I do remember hearing stories from Nam though where a unknown remote saved the day by pushing large cow patties onto the unsuspecting Charlie's. Seeing as how this was quite a long time ago though you might want to upgrade your M.I.A to K.I.A and take a look at the Vietnam Memorial for his name. I found my remote shacked up with my drawer full of 9v batteries, we got into a heated argument about why i was hiding such a powerful and beautiful thing like this from him, which ended in me threating to put him in a dish washer. needless to say he took off with out a word and took a back pack and all my 9v batteries. this upsets me greatly because i hid my "1002 uses for a dead camel" book in the back pack.... if only i could turn back time and had my friend a quadriplegic cardboard farmer who is also a practiced exorcist to exorcise all of my appliances. guess thats what i get for shopping at wal-mart.
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Alucard
Beta Wolf
Your Lord and Master of all that doesn't make sense.[M0n:20]
[M0:67]%\3\%
Posts: 331
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Post by Alucard on Jan 23, 2006 2:44:21 GMT -5
To the rest of us though we obviously see the moronic question for what it is. So this makes me believe that you have found a glitch in the matrix. You should report this faulty code A.S.A.P. true but then they'd be onto me i cant risk that and have them take my ideas for Saran wrap under wear and mayonnaise and ambesol lube away from me. Well the obvious conclusion would be that the Earth would soon become overrun with stupid people. There is so many more of them then there are of us, and without any way for them to co-mingle with us, they would just keep breeding since they would never be able to ask, "Should I really have a 36th kid?". So before this happens we need to exterminate all stupid people. To do this we will need large amounts of tin foil, spam mail, and lawyers. The spam mail will be issued to each stupid person giving them instructions of where to go to pick up a million dollars they have just won. Once there they will talk to the lawyers who will keep blabbering on forever about legal mumbojumbo long enough for us to position our large tin foil sheets. What will happen is since it is reflective they will be entranced by it. They will sit there so long they will not realize we have made a sort of large solar oven that we are cooking them in. Eventually they will all be dead and we can have a huge celebration feast with our newly found friends of the midget aliens from Marchuknambulan. we can only hope that this dream will one day come true. i am burdened however. with the idea that they are here to drive us crazy. i now understand why postal workers shoot their fellow employees. there's only so many times you can be asked how to attach a self adhesive stamp to a envelope. or when they find a letter that says return to sender, they ask you who this sender person is.......it s quite sad.
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Post by AREA666 on Jan 26, 2006 18:41:23 GMT -5
Well I missed a reply to one, but the current one was so important I had to answer it. In fact you are not the only one to ponder this very difficult question. So this could be why you bring it up, or maybe not. But anyway here is the answer to your question. blade.rit.edu/perpetual_motion.asx
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Post by Hallelujah on Jan 27, 2006 13:53:12 GMT -5
Always wondered about that one myself. Also like the sign on the restaurant door that says "We have menus in braille"
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Post by AREA666 on Jan 27, 2006 21:01:15 GMT -5
Well I could give a answer to the brail one that would make sense, like the production companies are just lazy and dont want to make a different casts for all the keys due to them being able to make 50 cents more a year because of this, but that wouldnt be to interesting. So I have my theory.
The governments of Lithuania and the US decided in the late 1970s that they needed to create planetary defense systems to ward off the impending attack by the Marsinites. They first experimented with large scale paper airplanes they launched from bases at the bottom of the Mariana trench. This met with limited success since the paper would of course turn into cases of lip balm before it reached the surface. So since they could not get their ships into orbit the project was scrapped. So now they had to come up with a new idea. One day one of the scientists on the research team was eating some take out Chinese and had a revleation as he looked at his chicken fried rice. He thought up the brilliant plan that if we were able to get a cell sample from about 500 million people that they could combine the cells to form one giant super cell that would be in the shape of a cup coaster. With this giant coaster they could use it like a fan to create solar winds to push Mars past Jupiter and into Saturns rings where it would collide with the asteroids and be destroyed, thus eliminating the Marsinites with it. So this plan was obviously approved at once since it could not fail. But then there was the need to get the cell samples. At first they sent out the men in black who would go door to door amputating the middle toe of peoples feet. Obviously people did not take to kindly to the loss of such a important toe so again they were faced with a dilema. Some ideas were toyed around like using rabbid dogs to chase people into large scale blenders, or sucking up all the air on the planet and running it through a large filter to seperate out the dust that would have plently of cells. Since these plans would probably result in the extermination of the human race they decided on a plan that is much slower. With the new invention of the ATM they had a device that would spread eventually everywhere. Now they just needed a way to utilize it. They decided what they could do is to implant tiny cheese graters into the keys of ATMs after they had used a shrinking ray. But another problem was realized one they were informed most of the numbers on a atm are indented. The small graters would not get to the skin, so no cells. One of the scientists was about ready to quit so he walked to a window in the conference room. Outside were protesters who wanted equal rights to be granted to test monkeys used on the compound. Of course he thought, equal rights for monkeys = 45.8% divided by Telephones multiplied by the square root of tv ratings for Threes Company. After he ran his simple equation he realized that blind people were the key. They read brail, which of course uses bumps. So he told his plan to the rest of the scientists and they universally agreed. Soon a plan between the two govenments lead to a contract with the manufacturers of ATMs. The companies would make their machines with brail on all keys they governments supplied, and in exchange the governments would give all the employees a coupon for 10 cents off a can of prunes. Soon these new ATMs began to show up everywhere in the mid 1980s. Every time somebody would use one they were unknowingly giving a cell sample that is collected inside the machines and then carried by bats to a central dumping site in Mt St Helens. It is currently speculated that there is 400 million of the needed 500 million cells, so in another 8 years there should be enough cells to carry out the final stages of the plan.
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Post by AREA666 on Jan 28, 2006 10:10:48 GMT -5
It is amazing how well you understand the way humans react. Just recently at school a few weeks ago we did a test about just the same thing. We took 50 "volunteers", which means we clubbed them with a cheese wheel in the back of the head and then dragged them to a secret chamber beneath the indoor pool at our gym and tie them to poles made of Legos by using their own shoe laces. Once there we all donned our ceremonial black robes and brought out the cans of gas to be used in for our initiation rights. I can not tell you the name of our society though since if I did I would have to kill you until you die from it. But anyway, the new members were stripped of their clothes and then they are put into specialy designed cardboard suits so they look like agent Smith from the Matrix. After this we coat them all in a health dose of gas, roughly 50 gallons per person. Then as they begin to awake we set them on fire. They at first freak out some because they are tied up, but since the shoe laces and Legos quickly melt away they become fine. They of course feel no pain because only the gas is burning, but soon they realize something is not right. They want to look at what time is it and all they can see is fire. They begin to run around a little now, but arent really in a pannick. Our final step involves the lowering of many mirrors to create a house of mirrors effect. Now the people get really scared. They think they are being chased by fire monsters and try to run away from it, but they are of course just running from themselves. Many break mirrors in the process and are granted 7 years of bad luck and a bill for $800 to replace the broken mirror. There are however a few that make it out of the house of mirrors and find that they have run into a giant block of lime jello. This of course puts out the fire. If the initiate can eat his/her way out of the block then they are a member. Unfortunatly though our last group of people one of the people freaked so much they ran into the main gas holding tank which exploded and destroyed half the school. Luckily though my society covered up the explosion and all that was in the papers the next day was "Pink Alien Squirrel Found On School Campus and Taken Custody For Eating Campus Gym".
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Alucard
Beta Wolf
Your Lord and Master of all that doesn't make sense.[M0n:20]
[M0:67]%\3\%
Posts: 331
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Post by Alucard on Jan 29, 2006 21:44:06 GMT -5
i had a similar experience once while trying to join the schools after school sports team. i was going to compete for midget tossing and the banana shot-put. i was up against 12 others for the position of team Capitan.Their initiation consisted of the following : that they put you in a burlap sack hand cuffed, pig tied and naked. wrapped in aluminum foil then soaked it in a home made bath tub napalm which i found out is incredibly easy to make...any way they then light the sack on fire but before attempting to escape you must get the key which they inserted into my ear unlock the cuffs, untie your self then escape from the huge microwave that was set to go off in 10 minutes but before being able to exit the microwave you must beat deep blue in a chess game. once you exit the microwave you can then remove the aluminum foil suit only then you have to take on 50 midgets armed with tampon nun-chuck's and pantie hose full of peaches. This is not as easy as it sounds i think some of them were using steroids. once you defeat the midget army you have to run a gauntlet which consisted of people with paddles and angry bananas armed with hairdryers, now this might not sound bad but you have to run across water before the bananas decide to throw the hair dryers in to the pool, if you make it across you then have to blind fold your self and navigate through a field of paper plates( i know what your thinking "paper plates" thats not bad) so let me ask you, have you ever had a paper cut on the bottom of your foot it stings....not to mention the possibilities for infection. only after this do you make it to the last challenge you must wear a meat suit and run back the way you just came and redo the course only you'll be chased by rabid hybrid avocados. needless to say i didn't play fair i sacrificed one of my competitors to make a raft so that i could cross the water safely and the other guy who made it to the end with me well i kind of sorta accidentally tripped him by smacking him in the shins with Georges femur 9 times so while the avocados where busy with him i mad a run for it.......well i got the position as team capt. but then quit do to a serious injury(infected paper cut)....and let me tell you the ceremony for release was no picnic either but thats a story for another time.
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Post by AREA666 on Feb 2, 2006 11:05:56 GMT -5
Well my friend I must imform you that your ideas on what is happening to your underwear is not only unture but is also much worse then them being sold on ebay. The government would like for us to think CIA means Central Intelligence Agency when in reality is is the Center for Interstellar Aliens. What they in actuality are is a large underground base where the aliens of the universe come to discuss their plans to dominate other worlds. The aliens take human form through the use of some sort of light bending technology and this way when somebody goes to visit the CIA they see only humans. They aliens have their base here since we are the weakest planet in the galaxy. Our weapons are many generations behind theirs so they know if we revolt we will quickly be destroyed. But there is one fact they are ignorant on and that is the true use for your underwear. A few months ago you left a pair on top of a telephone pole since you were hoping to contact the dead to find out the true meaning of why the new horror movies you hate so much suck. Well before you could get your answer a penguin flock flew by. Now I know you think they cant fly but they do. They just cloak themselves when they do it on their yearly trip to Mexico when they get tired of the cold. Anyway one of the penguins decided he was tired and would rest a bit. He landed on your pair of underwear and became visible. It just so happens at that time that a mad scientist walked by andcould not believe his eyes. For years he had insisted that penguins could fly and they migrated, but nobody believed him so he went crazy. He just knew he had to catch this penguin as proof. So with his trusty spoon he began to hack away at the pole until it fell, crushing the house across the street from you. He was hoping the penguin would fall, but it flew away taking the underwear with him. So the scientist hopped into his faithful soda and mustard powered jet pack and was off in pursuit. Eventually he caught up with the penguin but as he was about to grab it the underwear fell off and the penguins cloak came back on so he dissapeared. The scientist decided tp follow the underwear on its decent since he justh ad to have them to find what makes the cloaks fail. Before he could get them though they fell on the head of a man in black on his way to work at the, you guessedi t CIA. Well of course when this happens it made the mans appearance reveal his true self. People ran away screaming and called the police. When they arrived though no sign of the alien could be found, so they soon gave up in their search. But this was not before arresting the mad scientist since they thought his unkept appearance was making people mistake him for a alien. Anyway though what had happened was the alien teleported to the underground base. In front of the other members he showed how your underwear can reveal their true selves. Now the aliens are afraid of humanity since they think we might have other top secret weapons we can use to defeat them. So now what you must do is to get all your underwear to a safe place and to break the scientist out of prison. He can help you to develope a large pair of underwear that can be dropped over the entire planet to reveal all the aliens. Once this is done we need to use mirrors to show the aliens what they look like and they will be so scared they will explode and the Earth will be saved.
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Post by AREA666 on Feb 3, 2006 17:56:13 GMT -5
I am amazed at how you can constantly come up with questions that have been pondered for generations, and yet still have no definate answers even today. Your peanut butter one is actually easier to answer then some. If you are having problems with hemorrhoids you must first determine how severe it is. If it is say bleeding all over the place and hanging out then I would go with the normal peanut butter since it will eventually harden into a sort of plug. If you are past that point though and it has healed some then go with crunchy. It will act as a sort of sand paper to really get in there and rub off the affected areas. Now the voices might tell you something different, like they may want you to make the ants on a log (raisns and pb on celery) to use as a sort of tool. This will not help you in your problem even though they claim it will. They are just telling you this because they are hungry and want you to get it stuck and they can then eat it.
Anybody else have some ideas, or am I the only one capable of answering the really tough questions in life?
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Post by Hallelujah on Feb 3, 2006 18:21:12 GMT -5
I think you're probably the only one AREA.
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Post by AREA666 on Feb 3, 2006 18:34:13 GMT -5
It does seem that way. It can be hard to make something sound semi-logical when you are using totally unrelated things. Alucard can do it way better then I can so it is fun to try to make a worthy reply to things.
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Post by Hallelujah on Feb 3, 2006 18:51:47 GMT -5
I don't know, you do a great job of it! I just can't seem to think that way, when I can think at all! But I do love to read both of your posts. Maybe they're so entertaining to me because I can't think of things like that, or maybe you remind me of my brother, who was always good at making me laugh.
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