Post by Alucard on Jan 28, 2006 17:54:54 GMT -5
Things you would never know without the movies
1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
2. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
3. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets, which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
4. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
5. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
6. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
7. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
9. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
10. Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
11. If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
12. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
13. A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
14. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
15. When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
16. When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
18. Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.
19. If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
20. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilisation.
21. Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organisations - even though the job will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their own certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.
22. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.
23. All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
24. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
25. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
26. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
27. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
28. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds-unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
29. You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a bow tie.
30. When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.
31. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
32. Having a job of any kind will make fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
33. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
34. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.
35. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
36. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
37. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
38. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
39. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
40. You're likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
41. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
42. People on TV never finish their drinks.
43. The chief of police is always black.
44. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
45. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
46. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
47. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
48. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
49. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
50. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
51. All single women have a cat.
52. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
53. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"
54. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
55. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
56. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
57. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
58. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
59. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least twenty minutes to escape.
60. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions can be played without moving the fingers.
61. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
62. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
63. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
64. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
65. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
